Not a "new mom" any more... now what "middle mom"?

Well.. it has finally happened.  I am purging sippy cups, baby toys and tiny silverware.  

I no longer plan my days around nap times, pack a diaper bag, or buy pull-ups.

I'm not a "new" mom anymore.  

I'm in the "middle" stage.  

It's a weird sensation, a new one at the the very least and I find myself thinking...

"Did I really make it thru the baby stage of motherhood and lived to tell the tale"?

I did... I finally did it.  And I'm not quite sure how I'm suppose to feel about it.

If you just starting out in this journey called motherhood or maybe you haven't quite gotten there yet, let me tell you how the "new" mom life compares to the "middle" mom life.

Your "people" shop for groceries mid-day before or after nap time and before the "work" people get there.  This is good to know because there is something in the fellowship of  yoga pants wearing, barely got enough sleep, where is the caffeine "new mom" group.  These people are your "people" they will not judge you when your baby is hungry and you just feed them in aisle 7 because well... what else are you going to do about a hungry screaming baby.

Now, I grocery shop mid-day because it's habit and because I can do it with out being bombarded for another shop-kins thing, or a minecraft themed yo-yo in the dollar section.  

A new mom might see me and think - wow.... she can shop by herself isn't that nice. 

 The truth is... it's really, really nice and I kinda love it.  

However, I see you too "new mom" 

and I remember the those days like they were yesterday.  I had one baby in front carrier holding in a pacifier with one hand while pushing a cart with two boys, one on each side so they don't "touch each other" and so I don't run over them with my one handed cart driving.  I was bouncing and singing while explaining why we don't eat cheese puffs for breakfast to the 3 year old while scanning for a bathroom because a 4 year old is almost in tears, he has to go right now! 

I've been there, I have soooooo paid my dues and I lived.  I totally made it thru!  And you will too!

My kids are still alive and hopefully not in need of therapy.  I still love them, they still love me and all my hair is still rooted in my head and not pulled about in patches.  I honestly never really thought this day would come.

Now I wonder did I leave something in the car?  Do I have my purse?  Why do I feel so... solitary?  Oh, it's because I don't have babies or toddlers any more right at my side.  They are safely in school and at pick up time a whole different life starts.

My days are now planned around drop off / and pick up times, homework, spellings words, gymnastics, basketball, lunch making and dinner time chats .

One thing has not changed, tucking in my sweet off spring.  This I still hold on to.  This hopefully will not change - well at least not until junior high :).  

Then we will chat again about that stage of motherhood and the changes that age brings.

Here are my "experienced" words of wisdom 

to those "new" moms.

1) If an older mom hands out a piece of advise it's not because we don't think you aren't doing great, or that we know better.... it's because we have been there and we recognize sigh you just released out of exhaustion.  It's meant as encouragement, that there is still rope left to grasp on to, and you can climb that rope and do it.  Chances are we "know that advise" because we were so very bad at the subject ourselves and did massive mom sized research on it.

- Still feel free to ignore it and trust your mom heart, it's your best resource!

2) We still love to hold babies.  If you need help... just ask.  We will hold your baby for you while at the park if you need to fix a boo-boo on your toddler.  I know we might be a stranger but since we are out of that stage, we will happily give them back I promise.  But, we understand the need for an extra set of hands every once in a while.  Use our experienced hands to your benefit!

3) We are great sources of hand-me downs and still great toys.  Just say'n - we love to get it out of the house and your kids could use some new distractions that are cheap or free right!

4) Most of all... we are living proof.  

Living breathing proof that you can make it through to the other side.  

• You will get your sleep back.
• You will be able to walk around with out expending your perimeter of safety to a 4 ft bubble.
• You will not have to fear the silence of a toddler.
• Or the enviable poop explosion in public (from the baby).

You too will live to tell the tale  and join the common core math, play ground antics, spelling words, and music recitals group of the "middle mom".  Now, doesn't that sound like fun!

I believe in Santa but....I don't believe in pre-school

I believe in Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy but I do not believe in 

Pre-school or Full Day Kindergarten!

So... go ahead, roll your eyes.  But, here me out!  There are things in the article for those of you who like funny little remarks and those that like data... if your not a data person then just skip around and have a yourself a good laugh (that would be the blue text), and maybe do some thinking of your own. 

I'm not bashing those that choose to do "pre-school", thats your choice.  I am also not a "homeschooler" so don't lump me in with that crowd.  I'm not a hippy free non-schooler or anything like that either. (no offence just making a joke).

I am however a big proponent of letting kids be kids and not little students at the age of 2-4.

Here is my thought process - It might not be a linear line (I did my best) but it's how my brain works.

• Kindergarten is not even required by the state of KS (which is where I live).
• Kindergarten used to be the "pre" part of getting ready for school.
• Kindergarten is now going full day.

So, how to prep for Kindergarten (if you feel you must)

• Let's do a "pre-school" at age 3-4 to prep for Kindergarten.
• Now, let's do a "mommy day out" so "pre-school" is not a shock at age 1 1/2-3.

• Next up... Sign them up for a baby college ACT prep class - you can do your child's enrollment at the same time you fill out their birth certificate.

Oh, come now.. let's not get crazy... well...
let's see some stats.
(if you don't like serious stats then just skip to the blue text below it)

First the cause of this "crisis"  

(source -http://www.ksde.org/Portals/0/Research%20and%20Evaluation/historyofeducationfinal.pdf)

"A Nation At Risk" was published by the U.S. Department of Education's National Commission on Excellence in Education, beginning the current school reform efforts. The Commission advanced the following recommendations: · Graduation requirements should be strengthened so that all students establish a foundation in five new basics: English, mathematics, science, social studies, and computer science. · Schools and colleges should adopt higher and measurable standards for academic performance. · The amount of time students spend engaged in learning should be significantly increased. · The teaching profession should be strengthened through higher standards for preparation and professional growth."

Where it starts

(source -http://www.ksde.org/Portals/0/Research%20and%20Evaluation/historyofeducationfinal.pdf)

"Kindergarten attendance is not required, but almost all Kansas children attend kindergarten. Although the state funds half day kindergarten only, during the 2000-2001 school year, 238 schools in the state used Title I and other school funding to provide allday, every day kindergarten to 9,534 children, giving them more time to gain the skills needed to be successful in first grade. "

Proof 

 source(https://www.census.gov/prod/2013pubs/p20-571.pdf)
"Nursery school enrollment today has become increasingly common for 3- and 4-year olds. According to the CPS, only 10 percent of 3- and 4-year olds were enrolled in nursery school in 1965, while 48 percent of 3- and 4-year olds were enrolled in 2011 (see Figure 3). The rate of nursery school enrollment has been around 48 percent for the past 5 years. "

I concede there is a good reason to consider it....

 source(http://www.centerforpubliceducation.org/Main-Menu/Pre-kindergarten/Pre-Kindergarten/Pre-kindergarten-What-the-research-shows.html)

• "The Early Childhood Longitudinal Study-Kindergarten Cohort, a national study of 14,162 kindergartners, their parents, and teachers, showed that children from extremely poor families had the strongest gains in pre-reading and math after attending a center-based preschool (Loeb, Bridges, Fuller, Rumberger, and Bassok 2005). These children attended a center-based program that was not Head Start but was a child care center, preschool, or pre-k program, as reported by the child’s parents."

- See more at: http://www.centerforpubliceducation.org/Main-Menu/Pre-kindergarten/Pre-Kindergarten/Pre-kindergarten-What-the-research-shows.html#sthash.rTssUC5x.dpuf

• Overall, researchers found an 8–9 percentile point gain for these children, compared with youngsters who were cared for entirely at home. Hispanic children with limited English proficiency achieved twice the gains in language and pre-reading skills compared with white children. Program participation also increased math proficiency among all lower-income children."

However Long term gains.....?????? is it worth it?

source (http://reason.org/files/b7abd1fc30bdf33cd824db3b102c4db0.pdf)

• "We note, however, that the differences researchers observed in the Reading First analysis already begin to fade by the beginning of first grade. At the end of kindergarten, 17 percent more of the full-day students had attained the benchmark than those in the half-day program (59.8 percent compared to 42.6 percent). As the Reading First analysis reported, just a few months later, at the beginning of first grade, that advantage dropped almost in half, to 10 percent (58.7 percent compared to 49 percent). Similarly, at the end of kindergarten, 15 percent more of the half-day students were recommended for intensive support (34.7 percent compared to 19.9 percent), but by the beginning of first grade, the difference had dropped to 10 percent (23.6 percent compared to 13.6 percent)."

• "The ECLS-K research shows the same pattern documented by hundreds of early education studies: children in full-day kindergarten are afforded a modest academic edge over children in half-day kindergarten when measured at the end of the kindergarten year. However, that initial edge completely disappears by third grade. "

I then start asking questions like have learning problems and behavior problems been on the rise since this more schooling at a young age has increased?  Well.. that's a whole different blog.

___________________________________________________________________________________

So, I ask you this... is that time that your child misses out on home time, free play, learning about dirt, and oh yes sleeping!!!! Is it worth it?

For me a stay at home mom, who also runs an internet business at my leisure, it just isn't worth loosing that precious time I get to spend with them.  I miss my kids when they are at school.

Here are a few things I am sick of hearing about why kids should be at pre-school.

Socialization - "I'm a stay at home mom, they need to play with more kids.

• Oh please.  If you are a SAHM and your kid isn't socialized enough, then get up and do something about it.  Join MOPS, join the YMCA, go to a park, make new other SAHM moms.   I have a saying, chances are if your child isn't socialized enough then neither are you!

Learning - "My two year old can read LATIN"!

• So, what your saying is your child is a natural language genius or that's just crap.  I'm might be crazy here but I'm pretty sure I'm qualified to teach my pre-schooler everything they need to know, numbers, shapes, colors, ABC's etc.  As a college graduate I think I can handle that.  I could teach them a foreign language as well, and I did!  Two different ones Sign Language and some Italian.  
• But, here is the kicker.... if you can't speak it as well then they aren't going to hold on to that for very long and your so called multi-language speaking child will be a English speaking child pretty darn soon, because unless you use it with them, they will loss it.

I work - "a center is better than home care".

• I'm just going to have to dis-agree, respectfully.  Notice I did it respectfully :) !  I happen to feel that a home environment with a less structure "center" type feel is better, for the above reasons.  Again, not knocking your choice, I know we are do what we fell is best based on what is available, affordable and possible.

I need some me time - OK... this is honestly the best one out there.  At least it's honest!  

• If you need to catch up on some sleep, have some quiet time, maybe you have a lot of dr apps. you have to do and this is a way to get it done.  I get it!  I truly, truly do!  Trust me I'm used to having 3-5 kids with me, over the past 8 years - I know the feeling.  And I can respect a person that just owns up to needing some help!  And if that's how you do it... then again... your choice.  

I just urge you to not to give into the pressure of "schooling" your precious little one just because you feel like you have to, parent peer presure.  Look into home care, a fellow SAHM who could use some extra income, or heck a grandma (adopt one if you need) that needs a baby to hold once a week.  Find somebody that will simulate and teach but not in a "school setting". 

Debunking Myth's we hear and tell our self's

• Your not a bad mom if you choose to prep your kid for school on your own.  

• Your child is not learning less doing half day vs all day Kindergarten.

• Your not boosting your child's IQ by doing a "Latin Immersion with Montessori inspired International themed curriculum that has all the latest Tek and STEAM" and what else you can spit out.  

• Your just being a pompous elitist and people roll their eyes at you just as much as they do at me for not "believing in pre-school".

other good reads on the subject
the-decline-of-play-in-preschoolers-and-the-rise-in-sensory-issues/

the-real-reason-why-children-fidget

how-schools-ruined-recess-and-four-things-needed-to-fix-it/