The 2nd Anniversary of the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shootings happened this week.
Again, I cried.
I cried from 3 different perspectives this week.
And I have one very important thing to say to our teachers.
In 1985 I was 7 years old and in 2nd grade at a very small elementary school in Goddard KS. That town was rocked by what happened on Jan 22, 1985 when one life was taken and 3 others injured by a student in what back then was a very rare school shooting. Goddard School Shooting
The Junior High that this took place in was just a block away from my school. I have been told that the shooter was making his way towards another school. I have no idea if that was mine or the HS (the other direction again one small town block away). I do know that I remember very little of this day. I have impressions of the feelings around that time, but thankfully my teachers, our school administration and my parents protected us in the younger grades from this trauma. My class and all others through the Goddard School have always know this event happened. It's never been hidden. I would say that it actually permeated in every room, in every grade, in every building. There was a bell in the Junior High Building (now the middle school) that was rung every time we won a game that was dedicated to the Vice Principal that lost his life. There are stories of where the bullet holes are in the cement walls that are still there (I don't know if that's true or not) but that horrible event has marked that community forever. Growing up in a school that is haunted in that tragic way has a way of forming impressions on the students. I remember the shooter was to be released when I was in H.S. I remember there being a under tone through out my fellow students of "ok, what does that mean?" Nobody wanted to ask "what if he comes back?" We didn't have intruder drills, we had no idea what to do in a situation if that ever happened again.
Years later in college, the Columbine Shooting occurred. Things I hadn't thought of or remembered since 2nd grade just flooded my mind and heart. At the time I was attending Kansas City Art Institute. We were encouraged to talk about, study, draw about, etc... about current events. I found myself listening to what these other college age students were saying, critiquing (because artist critique not discuss). I had nothing in common with their perspective. Absolutely NOTHING. They all seemed so far removed from the emotion of it. I actually got mad at these young kids. I'm not sure what exactly made me so frustrated with their remarks. None of my peers ever came close to experiencing anything close to a school shooting. I guess I just felt "spared", confused and scared all over again. At that age - as an almost adult, I realized how closely my school had been touched by evil. As a young adult looking back it takes away your immortal feeling all 19 year olds seem to have.
Dec 12th, 2012 - as a mom of a half day kindergartner and a full day 1st grader I witnessed via Live News Reports and Face Book Posts of the Sandy Hook tragedy. Nothing can really express how a parent responses to such an event. There really are no words, other than just plain fear! I can't even go there in my mind of having to face that in my life. I don't know how my parents dealt with it when I was in 2nd grade, and I don't even know how those parents of Sandy Hook survived the day. My only thought is God did some major interventions that day, and I will not be-little their experience with attempting to understand. All I can do is be thankful I don't have that frame of reference, and pray I never do. I did go and sit inside the lobby door on the floor of my child's school for the rest of the day. I remember the principal - she was very caring and understanding and asked if I wanted to take my son out of class and take him home. I said no, I didn't want him to know what was going on that day, and how it will always be etched in my memory for life. I just waited, and cried, and when the bell rang I stood up put on my sunglasses so he could not see my eyes and took my son home.
I am thankful, that I remember only snippet's from the event I was so close to as a child at Goddard. I hold on to this as hope that maybe the kids at Sandy Hook who are so young, and have no frame of reference of gun violence might be sheltered a bit. I hold on to this, I doubt it's true, you don't loose your child playmates in such a way and not have it scare you terribly. But, I pray for their little hearts and hope that they don't fully comprehend that evil.
I would like to say this to all teachers everywhere. As a child who felt the fear of a school shooting, as a college student who didn't even know how to process my feelings about such a possibility and now as a mom who places her children in their hands everyday... please take care of my babies. And thank you for doing what you do. I would like to thank my 2nd grade teacher Mrs. Albrect for covering the glass gym door as we hugged the wall awaiting for the all clear to move back to our room and taking us the long way back to our room away from all glass windows. Also for keeping calm, and not letting us know what was going on outside those doors in 1985. Thank you teachers at my kids school for loving all those kids and doing the intruder drills. Thank you to my son's 1st grade teacher Mrs. Houck, who let me sit in on a "I-drill" so I could see what it was all about. I doubt she even knew what that meant to me as a mother. Thank you for staying up to date on the best ways to detect trouble and intervene before trouble starts. Thank you for school district for re-modeling our security system to include cameras and safety doors with locks. Thank you principals, Mrs. Cole for working with law enforcement on the best practices for evacuations and lock downs and for sending home notes on every important safety concern. Thank you for all you do. Because when I leave my kids at your door every morning I know you are doing all you can, and that matters! It matters to me! So thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I make sure to pray over that entire building everyday as I drive away, but I know there are human angels walking those halls and they are called teachers - and they would do everything in their power in such a situation to keep my children safe.
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